Author: jimmyreagan

Boot Camp–A Book For Men

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There’s no doubt that the world has given men the wrong idea of what they should be. To help combat that on a really practical and biblical level, Mr. Jason Hardin has given us this fine volume “equipping men with integrity for spiritual warfare.” While on some level this book would appeal to any serious believer, it is geared to men. It works hand in hand with some recent literature by men like John Eldredge and Stephen Arterburn that has challenged and helped Christian men. It views the great challenges of life in the context of being a man.

Part One addresses the big picture and what a man with integrity looks like. Part Two, my favorite, discusses what must be dealt with to be such a man. The issues are in an order that especially makes sense for men–selfishness, sexual immorality, idolatry, jealousy, anger, sins of the tongue, and hypocrisy. I felt convicted in every chapter, and as he hoped, challenged. I thought the chapter on selfishness was exceptionally well done.

Part Three offers the strong enticement to put on the Lord’s armory. It was the perfect climax for such a book.

The book looks sharp and can help newer Christians while still being profitable for seasoned ones. I applaud any effort to reach men, which is such a need in our day. I pray this volume can help many! I recommend it!

I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 .

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Books On The Ministry #8

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Sometimes there are volumes that are really good that don’t become as immortal as some others. That doesn’t mean that they aren’t of real value. Here are volumes of varying fame that are all of value to one who handles the Word of God. All easy to find on used book sites, you might find some books here to bless you.

1. Famine In The Land by Steven Lawson

The subtitle says “A Passionate Call For Expository Preaching” and accurately describes a book whose message is so critically needed. Mr. Lawson makes a powerful case for a problem where many of us share his passion. Were this message to take hold, it could revolutionize Christianity today. The famine is real and the effects of the starvation are all around us. He gives insight to what happened to expository preaching. Entertainment and performance have run it out the church doors. Marketing techniques hold sway now. He opines how that the preaching of the cross that was once foolishness to the world now is to the church? This volume will fire you up and put you on the right track!

2. Pulpit Crimes by James White

He discusses “the criminal mishandling of God’s Word.” He not only espouses expository preaching, but comes hard at the gravity of getting off track. He hates spinning the text and reminds us to remember our audience of One. I particularly enjoyed his timely chapter on eisegesis. He defines it as “the reading of the text…of a meaning that is not supported by the grammar, syntax, lexical meanings, and over-all context, of the original.” Have you ever heard a sermon like that? Have you preached one? He covers several other such subjects. Mr. White can be overly harsh at times, and has written some other books that I have not cared for, but this one is a dandy.

3. They Smell Like Sheep by Lynn Anderson

This volume tackles the thought of a pastor being a shepherd. Focusing on our being shepherd, mentor, and equipper, he writes well. It is a worthy point of contemplation as the shepherd metaphor, he reminds, is in Scripture over 500 times. Though I wouldn’t agree with his theory of church polity, I love his title. While it might make you smile, you might learn along the way that to be a good shepherd you will end up smelling like a sheep too!

4. A Portrait of Paul by Rob Ventura and Jeremy Walker

Taking Paul’s ministry these two pastors identify “a true minister of Christ.” They don’t hide the suffering involved or the hardships endured, but they well describe the goal and strength of it too. This is an excellent read!

5. How To Preach To People’s Needs by Edgar Jackson

In this interesting approach, Mr. Jackson talks about using the sermon as group therapy. We all deal with many things. A congregation will often cover all the bases in problems. There are sorrows and joys in life and we who preach the Word must take the Word and guide people through. This helpful volume gives guidance in preaching to things like the guilt-laden, the sorrowful, the fearful, the insecure, the lonely, the defeated, and many others. This book is well worth reading.

6. The Preacher and His Preaching by W.B. Riley

An older volume by a well-respected Baptist pastor that gives basic counsel on sermons.

7. The Elements of Preaching by Warren and David Wiersbe

A quick, easy read on basic principles of preaching. A real shot in the arm to keep us where we should be. The chapters are short, pointed, but wonderful. How about: “never be satisfied with your preaching”. There are practical points like not “hopping rapidly from verse to verse in the Bible.” He tells the danger of “abusing the use of humor in the pulpit.” Or even worse: “preaching ourselves instead of Christ.” There’s much more!

8. Preaching in the Holy Spirit by Albert Martin

A little volume that addresses the oft-forgotten, yet essential element in preaching–the power of the Holy Spirit! We so need this reminder.

9. Mourning a Beloved Shepherd by Charles Hodge and John Hall

In this unusual volume that is two memorial sermons for James Alexander, we find real encouragement. It is good to think about what you would like said about you at the end of your ministry. It takes a certain kind of ministry to have it said with sincerity. Hodge began his sermon with Acts 9:20–“He preached Christ.” He then said, “Nothing higher than this can be said of any man. Angels stand uncovered round the humblest tomb on which these words are inscribed.” I can think of nothing I would rather have said, can you?

You can find all posts and books reviewed in this series here.

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The Lesson Of The Fog

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I fell for it. Come to think of it, I have quite the bad record on that score. It was a dreary morning as I drove the curvy Tennessee roads early the other day. The fog hung heavy all around and it was as particularly dreary as I remember in a long time. Strangely enough, the physical conditions matched my disposition. It was as gloomy inside my head as it was out beyond my windshield. The day had no potential on any level. Every mile seemed more dreary than the one before. Funny to have in nature a metaphor of what was inside of me.

The worst part was how hopeless it seemed. The day was bad and that was that–don’t even think it could be salvaged. Sometimes life can look the same way. Have you ever had a day like that? Life ever seemed that way too?

Then I had a shock. I drove around a curve , and presto, the fog gave way to a burst of sunshine! The sky was that vivid blue of fall and the trees and fields were all that Tennessee is known for. It couldn’t have any more beautiful and gloom ran away like a frightened child. As I was thinking “wow”, it seemed an elbow nudged me.

Then it hit me like a flash of lightening. I hadn’t heard the weather forecast and the day was actually to be a gorgeous one. It wasn’t that it was dreary and now it wasn’t. That wasn’t the lesson at all, though we often think that is the best we can hope for. Actually, it was a great day and it was just obscured from me. The day was wonderful, the sun was shining, and the outlook was really perfect. It was true and a little fog robbed me of it.

Such is life, at least for one born into the family of God. There is fog no doubt. Plenty of it. The sun, though, shines on! My life has its fog, but that gloom is not the reality for me. The sun will burn the fog; the sun will defeat the fog; the sun will win! Fog can hide but it can’t change reality as it simply isn’t that powerful. For me there is Christ, Heaven, and forever! That is my reality and that is the lesson of the fog!

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40 Days of Grace by Rich Miller

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This is not your father’s devotional! This volume by Rich Miller and published by Monarch Books takes you on a 40 day journey of grace. Grace is a treasure of the Christian life that is so often misunderstood, neglected, and overlooked. Its potential is transforming and sure, so the need is but to see it and take hold of it. Enter this volume as a real impetus to do so.

His design is well thought out as grace is ever his theme while each week he takes an aspect like dealing with misplaced guilt, or humility, or the “grace-rest life.” The setup really works.

He makes plain that there are two approaches to relating to God– impress Him and earn His love or relate in grace. He ever shows the futility and utter failure of such an approach as earning God’s love. It is a heavy, trying, and unfulfilling too. Grace opens a new, vibrant life with all the treasures of the Christian life. We need this discussion. I fear that most Christians are wrongly focused and are unhappy as their hearts yearn for God’s grace.

Have no fear of an unbalanced, cheap grace here. He well correlates the need of the fear of God, or justice, or the reality of sin. In fact, it is that reality of sin that makes our need of grace so epic. By the end as he describes grace people, find your heart soaring in its desire to that person. May the Lord help us to be that person and I believe this book can help. I recommend it!

I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 .

Extra Note: My wife starting reading this book after I did and absolutely loves it!

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Books On The Ministry #7

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Among the many books written on the ministry, there are a few that simply have had a more enduring influence than others. Here are four titles that stand above the pack.

1. Lectures On Preaching by Phillips Brooks

Perhaps the most famous of the Yale Lectures and surprisingly good. Warren Wiersbe once said that “…every preacher ought to read (it) once a year for five years, and then once every other year for the rest of his life. What makes these lectures so valuable is that they deal with basic principles, not with transient methods. The preacher who is looking for shortcuts will not find them here.” Wiersbe was right!

His explanation that preaching is truth through personality is classic and accurate. Jewels abound from start to finish in this volume. In advising us he said, “No man ever yet thought whether he was preaching well without weakening his sermon.” Later he was speaking on courage and said, “Courage is good everywhere, but it is necessary here. If you are afraid of men and a slave to their opinion, go and do something else.” He followed that with: “Be independent.” He also spoke of self-conceit and dealing with failure. Here is an example of another sparkling statement: “Failure and success to really working ministers are only relative. Remember that no man wholly succeeds or wholly fails.” I could go on and on!

I could not follow Brooks in all his theology, but this volume could hardly be better.

2. The Preacher And His Models by James Stalker

Another of the great Yale Lectures on Preaching is this powerful volume. Mr. Stalker took a different track than his predecessors by looking at the ministry through the ministries of Isaiah and Paul.

He has many great things to say. For example, he said, “…the outer must be preceded by the inner; public life for God must be preceded by private life with God; unless God has first spoken to a man, it is vain for a man to attempt to speak for God.” He reminds us: “Preaching is not merely the speaking of a man. If it is, then it is certainly not worth coming to church for. Preaching, if it is of the right kind, is the voice of God.” He teaches us well.

The idea is that we find our models in men in the Bible. It really works and this volume is a help.

3. The Glory Of The Ministry by A.T. Robertson

Subtitled “Paul’s Exultation In Preaching” and based on Paul’s statements in II Corinthians 2:12–6:10, this volume has been loved by many, especially Baptists. What is amazing is how well this volume doubles as a commentary on that section of Scripture in addition to being such a help to we who are in the ministry.

He has so much to say that truly inspires. He tells us how essential our private walk with the Lord really is. He said, “The only way to have permanent glory is to continue beholding the glory of the Lord. If we cease looking at Him, we cease to reflect His glory.” That is a secret of ministry we need not miss!

He writes powerfully about legalism and the “attraction of Christ.” He reminds us: “It is just because Jesus can save the worst of men that the preacher has the heart and hope to go on with his work.” On the other side he reminds too: “The vessel of clay is very fragile and is easily broken and destroyed.” He reminds us that the biggest portion of our pay comes in the next world. Pleasing our Lord is the passion of ministry, and we must never forget the Judgement Seat of Christ.

He explains success in Paul. “God is the worker and Paul is the coworker. That is his glory and the secret of success in the ministry”, he says.

I favor this volume over Stalker myself. It is a must-have volume.

4. The Preacher’s Portrait by John Stott

You wouldn’t think a book subtitled “Some New Testament Word Studies” would not be so gripping, but it is! It is a small book of barely over 100 pages, and only has 5 chapters, but what chapters they are. He discusses 5 roles the preacher fulfills according to the Scripture: steward, herald, witness, father, and servant. In those 5 things you have a great overview of the ministry.

He lays it out so plainly, yet with power. In describing the steward and how he is not a prophet he says, “The essential characteristic of the prophet was neither that he foretold the future, nor that he interpreted the present activity of God, but that he spoke God’s word.” This alone would fix what ails the ministry in many circles today.

There is so much more. This is another of the really great ones.

I pray you can have your ministry blessed and in turn bless those to whom you minister by securing these volumes and mastering their contents!

 

 

Related Posts:

You can find all posts and books reviewed in this series here in the introductory post.

Introductory Post

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Missionary Adventure (and Our Children)

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It is hard to overestimate the value of a missions trip. I count my missions trips as some of the greatest experiences of my life. They so put the world and God’s plan in perspective. They almost always come with their unique set of adventures.

What many never think of is what these trips could mean to our children. It seems what is valuable to us would be valuable to our children as well, perhaps only more so, since the earlier in our lives we learn this the better. Two years ago I took my oldest daughter Briley with me to Honduras. What happened is hard to put in words–to her person, to her character, and even to our relationship. She had more terror than she wanted, but she will never be the same person!

To get a feel of it, I will share an email I wrote to our family at home when we came out of the remote mountains to the city with its Internet access again. We were cut off from the world in those mountains as there wasn’t even any electricity there. It was like another world! We had adventures that Briley still absolutely loves to talk about!

So here goes:

It all began Thursday moring as we drove an hour or so on nice roads. Briley begged me to let her ride in the back instead of the front. I gave in. Later the road got much worse. I wasn´t so scared as Bro. Delarca is a great driver and and I have been on jeep roads in the Smokies before. All seemed fine, but one scary moment. Bro. Delarca let the motor die and had trouble taking off and the back end started going sideways. A precarious dropoff was there that would have looked much worse from the truck bed. I knew my little girl was becoming terrified. I started praying for her. A little later Mike (Pastor friend Mike Montegomery) tapped on the window and said Briley was sick. I jumped out and took her 20 feet or so away from the truck and hugged and reassured her. She said she was blacking out from fear and cried only softly. I put Elijah (young preacher Elijah Grimm) in the front and practically held her the rest of the way. I wouldn´t let her look at the dropoffs and keep telling her this next spot wasn´t bad. We finally arrived and she held up so good while so scared. For the rest of the time she and I had often prayed that we could go back the easier way which required the river be down. She often asked about it and it was a fear she had to carry.

Our quarters and bathroom were primitive. She really handled it well. She got into mean ants twice and has several bug bites. The amazing thing was how she would bouce back from every terror so well and be her pleasant self. I took care of her and never allowed myself to be out of her sight for a moment.

We learned once when it was raining that Briley was not very scared at all in the truck cab, so I saw to it that she never was in the back of the truck again. From here on I was in the back instead. We went to a nearby village for church, about 20 minutes away over rough roads, but no dropoffs! Hondurans have a few peciliar features like knowing it´s going to rain and not leaving quickly to avoid it. We left with a truck full of people hanging on for dear life to go back to our village. It came a terrible cold mountain rain. I was soaked and cold and miserable. Briley was in the front where I saw to it she would be. Just before we left, a man opened Briley´s door and handed her a baby about 6 months old or so. I was panicked! How could Briley hold that baby with the truck jostleing around so. When we arrived, I learned that Briley had paid no attention to the mud or rain or driving but held that baby so well she put her to sleep! I was strutting like a rooster. That was my girl!

The preacher lived about a mile away from the church where we stayed and one hill with deep ruts had to be gone over each time. Usually it wasn´t bad but the first evening it rained as we went and this was the first day before Briley started riding in the front. Actually this was the straw that broke the camel’s back that required that Briley ride in the front from then on. I was standing holding the rail when a rock about 2 feet wide rolled in the gully and caused us to stop. It was hard to get over it and so Bro. Delarca had to gun the motor! I was thrown down hard and my thigh hit the tirewell. It hurt terribly and I was afraid I had bone damage. I couldn´t let Briley know as that scared her to death for me. I had trouble with it for 2 days and then it got better.

There´s more things for me but it got better for Briley. My mat went flat, we went and cut wood for the preachers, and I had to ride high on top of the wood on the truck. Briley was fine then.

She and I prayed together every morning and evening and anytime she was scared. Mike has told me repeatedly that he was so impressed with Briley. She rode much with Bro. Delarca (an outstanding veteran missionary)and he said he would remember her the rest of his life.

Briley talks much about the river. She doesn’t exaggerate. We first thrilled that God had answered the prayer to spare Briley going back the scary way. Don´t think we had a perfect road though as it is relative. We had lumber, about 10 bags of beans, and 10 other people in the back. It wasn´t a comfortable ride! At the river we saw it was crossable but Bro. Delarca got too far down and got the truck hung up on a rock. I jumped off to push with the men but we couldn´t budge it. We realized we couldn´t move and would have to get to shore. I got around to Briley who had water up to her waist but was not in danger of drowning as we were stationary. (I later learned she thought she might). Another man already had her door open as they are faster in the water than me. I grabbed her and walked her to shore.

Fortunately the current was much worse at the rear of the truck than where she had to walk. I explained that we were safe and in no danger now. She was recovered after about 10 minutes but every time we men were called back in to push the truck she was afraid I would die. I am touched about her concern for me. We were there for hours and had to be hauled home in another truck. She found a little side creek fully in my view. I told her that I knew what she was doing and she said she was finding something good in something bad. The ride home was much worse for me than her. I secured her a seat in the front and we all rode in the back under a piece of plastic like a can of sardines. It was a smaller truck and was a 2 and 1-2 hour drive. One of the Honuran ladies vomited several times, so it could have been worse. We had services on the river as we waited for help to come. Mike and I both preached. BTW, the Lord especially helped me preach at that time. We finally got back in Yoro.

The rest of the trip was much calmer, but we had such enjoyable services with several congregations.
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Missions trips are life changing, for you and your children, so why you start planning one now.

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Archaeology and Studying The Bible

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samaria ruins

It’s not exactly Indiana Jones, but archaeology is a fantastic aid to Bible study. Much of the Bible customs we know today have been either verified or enlarged upon through archaeological findings. In addition we have more accurately labeled certain Bible sites, which is a wonderful thing if you get the chance to visit the Holy Land and stand and visualize the Bible.

 

Archaeology doesn’t trump the Bible at any point. When your archaeological findings come into conflict, you need further study and, of course, keep believing the Bible. As great as archaeology is, it is only as good as the presuppositions that the archaeologist holds. That can make for scandalous news stories. Personally, I have never once seen an unbiased archaeologist have findings that fully contradicted the Bible.

One famous case is the dig done at Jericho by the famous Kathleen Kenyon. She was, without question, an accomplished archaeologist. The problem was the miraculous tumbling of the walls of Jericho as recorded in Scripture. If you hold an anti-miracle position, it would be an embarrassment for your archaeological findings to match the Biblical record. She did good work except for dating the findings too far away to match Joshua’s account. It wasn’t the facts that required the dating, but her presuppositions and biases.

Interestingly enough, archaeologist Byrant Wood has done further work and reviewed the massive details of Ms. Kenyon’s work. His findings? The pottery would, in fact, match the time of Joshua. Even more amazing, there were burnt items and jars of stored food in the ruins. Likely there would have been fire in Joshua’s conquest. If the walls fell suddenly, then you would expect the food to be found in containers. Had Jericho been overthrown at the end of a siege as some claim, the food would have been all consumed. I didn’t need that to believe what the Bible said, but it is absolutely fascinating!

Time and time again, findings match exactly what the Bible said. In the first two pictures here, you are looking at Samaria. You can see what efforts are required to do this type of study. Herod built a palace here in Jesus’ day right where the Kings of the Northern Kingdom had their palace. Archaeological findings only backed up what the Bible said. Deep in the West Bank in the current day, it is a beautiful site that commands an impressive view. No wonder the palace was there. What a thrill it was for me to go there and imagine Ahab being visited by Elijah and Elisha, or daydream about the four lepers at the siege. I couldn’t help but notice the evidence of past archaeological work there too.

 

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Archaeology isn’t the only element in identifying a Bible site in Biblical lands. Place names carried down through the years, what previous generations have believed, texts preserved, and a correlation to all the facts the Bible mentions are all essential. Now we just add archaeology to the list.

Sometimes all of these elements still fail to yield a conclusive answer. Take, for example, Sodom. There has always been debate. Some scholars I respect have suggested a place called Bab edh-Dhra. I am convinced by their evidence. Though difficult to find, I went there when I was in Jordan. In the picture below, you see it looks so God-forsaken. I fear presuppositions have hindered study of the site of Sodom too.

Archaeology can add a helpful level to our study of God’s Word. Some understanding of a process we don’t have to be part of (though being part of a dig would be awesome), can yield us great results.

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Book Review:

doing archaeology

Doing Archaeology in the Land of the Bible by John Currid is a fine aid to grasping what archaeology is, how it is done, and what it brings to us. It is a basic guide and all most Bible students need. In 120 pages it gives a real overview that would make descriptions of archaeological results more meaningful to you. As a pastor, I would give it high marks.

Preachers and Preaching by Lloyd-Jones (Books on the Ministry # 6)

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If you had to list the two or three greatest books on the ministry, you would have to consider Preaching and Preachers by Martyn Lloyd-Jones. Since it was published in 1972, it has perhaps been the most influential title on the subject.

Why has it been so popular? On the one hand, Lloyd-Jones clearly stands as one of the masters of the pulpit. He could open the Scriptures with a deftness most of us who preach could only dream of. Then there is the fact that he is a racy lecturer. This volume is a written record of his lectures on preaching near the end of his career. What he has to say is worth hearing! He gives life to what some call “the romance of preaching.”

He begins at the beginning–the primacy of preaching. As he says, “…the work of preaching is the highest and the greatest and the most glorious calling to which anyone can ever be called.” He laments the increase of entertainment in worship at the expense of preaching. That is only more true today. He disdains the shift from our great task–the exposition of God’s Word. His solution is to bring preaching back to its proper place. Actually, it is his answer to every issue that he will discuss. I suspect that he is exactly right!

Lloyd-Jones carefully unfolds what preaching is as well as what a sermon itself really is. Along the way he drops nuggets of gold as if he were dispensing cheap candy. For all the criticisms of preaching today, his explanation that preaching smashes pride, with our need of being humbled so real, preaching then is the avenue to reach people. He believes people with come to hear preaching if, and only if, it be real preaching.

To him real preaching must be expository. Though there can be an occasionally blessed topical message, he is right. The reason is that we need God’s Word, not our own creative message. It is the Bible first, not your sermon idea. How contrary to most preaching today, but perhaps a good explanation for preaching’s low standing in current times.

In the larger context of preaching, he elevates the importance of corporate public worship. He writes of the wonderful long term benefits of preaching in people’s lives. He explains what a call to the ministry really is. He is adamant that “the pew” not control “the pulpit.” He explains how people can pull the preacher away from what we are to do, but we must hold true for their good.

His chapter on “The Preparation of the Preacher” is incredibly good. It gives us so much on personal growth. He ends with a discussion on the necessity of the unction of the Holy Spirit in our preaching. That is a correct emphasis.

Some criticize how dogmatic he is in this volume. He is truly harsh on a few occasions and a little too picky on some minor matters. Still, if you just overlook a few such lapses, you will find incredible treasure throughout this volume.

Be sure to look for Zondervan’s 40th Anniversary Edition of this great classic. In addition to his text, six modern well-known preachers explain why this volume is so good. What they have to say is worthwhile too.

I love this book and I think you will too.

Related Posts:
You can find all posts and books reviewed in this series here in this introductory post.

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A Man In The Making — A Book To Instill Character Into Your Son

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Do you ever worry about instilling character and values into your sons? Do your even feel awkward about it in light of our culture’s rewrite of what it even means to be a man? What values most need reinforcing? This volume by Rick Johnson and published by Revell can be a help to you.

Johnson takes from the lives of twelve great men from history to illustrate great character traits that we so need to see in the next generation of men. Personally, I find some of the men more worthy of emulation than others in his list, but he does a fine job drawing these traits out of the men he looked at. His rationale is that boys need role models. It is the absolute best way to see these traits in our boys. What is modeled will be followed!

It is not just biography we find here, however, as he gives practical advice of how to help boys take these traits into the fabric of their being.

He is not afraid to be politically incorrect and that certainly makes the volume refreshing. I agree that it is time we quit going with the current of cultural downgrades and turn and swim toward what previous generations almost intuitively knew. Our boys are too important to play the games played today!

There is little Gospel here. He is not writing about what God can do, but what we should do. For what it is, it is good and I recommend it.

 

I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 .

Together Is A Beautiful Word by Guest Blogger Jennie Bender

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bender familyHere is a story that will reach your heart. Jennie Bender and her family walked through the fires of trial. She is wife to Shane and mother of Sabrina, Elaine, Darcy, and Davison. They are a wonderful Christian family living now in Fairborn, Ohio. The other day when I wrote a blog post called “What If Your Healing Doesn’t Come”, Jennie privately wrote my wife and I on her experiences with praying for a healing that didn’t come. In her case, it wasn’t for herself, but for her child. That is just as appropriate to the subject as any parent would realize. What she wrote was so touching, powerful, and real, I asked if I could share it as a guest blog post. Be sure to read the extra information she gave at the end. It is an honor to give her piece here. It is little edited so nothing of her heart is lost. Here it is in her words…

I just read your piece on healing. It was a blessing. I believe He can, but I have peace that He didn’t. God gives grace, mercy, and peace to go through trials. I could not do without any of those three at any given time. I have learned more, gained more, so much more. If I could go back– I’d probably selfishly choose to take away trisomy 18 (explained below) and have my daughter alive– without sleepless nights and burning tears, without knowledge of impending death, without… But I’d not know this great grace, I’d not have a strong realization of Heaven, I’d not have a measure of faith, I’d not have the blessings of brokenhearted strangers who reached out and gave me friendship through our mutual suffering, and I’d not have lifelong friendships given to me on her behalf by God’s hand…

I had so many say that God would take away this problem and it’d just go away– because He is God. Death was surely not coming to my house– according to them. They meant well; it was what we all wanted.

bender children

The Lord showed me that wasn’t the way I was going– though I wanted it badly, more than anyone passing by could fathom. I remember my own prayer– “Lord, I know you are praying for me because I don’t know what to pray.” I even went so far as to pray for her death so she could be truly safe– and hastily recanted it as soon as I spoke it– because I couldn’t believe I spoke it aloud. Only a mother dealing with a fatal disorder could understand that prayer and its depth. I wanted her more than I could bear, but my love for her wanted the fullest, happiest life for her– and with her diagnosis the best place was not with me but with God.. There was a guilt after I prayed that prayer because of my absolute humanity, but my heart later knew that prayer was because of my love for her — her grave struggles and future caused me to desire to give her to God– though it broke my heart in pieces. And I am sure someone will say that’s wrong, but the Lord knows how desperately we wanted her– with or without her so-called deformities. She was perfect to us and still is, no one dare question our love for her. Even if they did, there is no point to prove to them. We stand before God Almighty; He knew and knows our hearts. We only wanted her best– and that is love– and the greatest love is someone else’s best over your own selfish desires.

baby pic

This is a real issue, as you say. There are so many remarks you receive… some are not helpful. I am so thankful for the people who came into my life– people who were broken hearted, mended, and ministering because they had seen God. They all spoke the same words, just like a painter’s hand is recognized in every painting, you could see His hand and hear His voice through their unique stories. Others did not have that, only the broken ones. They had seen God work –they were compelled to comfort as He had personally comforted them and as they had been blessed by His people through their own sorrow.

I am changed because of those days. They are painful at times to recall, but the changes God made have only made our lives better. Every move He makes is for our good, and I trust the loving kindness of the Lord.

And as for your family and mine, our situations are not the same and not to be compared, but the Lord has made us better friends because of our trials.

(Editor’s Note: There is a hard-to-explain camaraderie in suffering.)

Trisomy 18 is a generation of an extra chromosome. It can be shattered, misplaced, or a duplicate chromosome. The simplest explanation is– it is like an extra puzzle piece. It fits, it is perfect, it is useful, fully functioning, alive. The only problem is–it is extra, therefore it destroys the whole. It can be genetic, it can be due to the age of a mother, but most of the time, as in our case, it is simply an accident at the onset of the division and multiplication of cells. Every time the bundle of life multiplies and divides it creates more problems. Since it is in the actual cells, there is nothing to do but wait. We were told she would die before her due date, she would have great struggles and die eleven days after her birth on average, and if she survived beyond those early days–she would surely be dead within a year.

Gravestone

Elaine had an extra finger, water on the brain, strawberry shaped skull, a twisted foot, and three holes in her heart– nearly every marker of T18. Our marriage was given a 1% survival rate because of the stress before and after her delivery. God has been good, we’ve not been prefect, but He has led us gently all the way. We have an unexplainable daily joy and gratitude that was given to us because we put our child and our broken hearts in God’s hands. “We are better for knowing her–even if it was just for a moment.”

She is the reason we say and know, “Together” is a beautiful word.

Thanks Jennie

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:

If you know anyone going through such times, please let us know –jennie@benderparty.com.

Also, Now I lay Me Down to Sleep is a non-profit organization consisting of professional photographers who photograph families whose children have been given a fatal diagnosis. They were a great blessing to us. Lori Anderson of Simply Southern Photography took pictures of Elaine through NILMDTS.org.

RELATED POSTS:

What If My Healing Doesn’t Come? The original post Jennie responded to.

Confessions of a Disability Marriage Jennie mentioned God’s grace in her marriage getting through what wrecks many marriages. It is tough and I have written on my own case.